dying
The End
"Anything that made her life inconvenient was not something she wanted to put up with. It just so happened that this time, the inconvenience was me."
adult child of alcoholics
What's a Good Parent?
"He was into carpentry in his spare time, and always had a project. I never knew why he didn’t go into it as a career. I used to help him by handing him nails and screws and different tools. I was like his scrub nurse, but our patients were plywood and our instruments were screwdrivers and drills."
physical abuse
Worthy
"I had a routine. I hid with my younger brother somewhere until things seemed calmer. When my parents fought, they seemed to forget we existed. So long as we were out of the way, we would usually be okay. "
emotional abuse
Narratives
"...“This is what you get for wanting a girl, Sand,” she said to herself, as if this were typical and effective behavior for simply being female. That was the year I began to resent, distrust, and grow apart from my mother."
body image
Starving
"What Ms. S. at the after school program said was true: I wasn’t going to stay skinny forever. Funny how things stick with a child for their whole lives, yet many adults spend a lot of time convincing themselves their kids can’t hear them or aren’t listening or won’t remember."
abuse
Crush Syndrome
"I will never have someone who made sure there was always food on the table, or who made sure I was comforted when I was scared. I'll never be a priority to her now. My mother is proof that you can lose something you never had."
neglect
Unimportant
"Everyone was desperate for attachment and connection; everyone distanced themselves from one another and stubbornly chose not to look past themselves. The house ended up becoming a jungle. Everyone had a territory and to invade that space meant conflict."
grief
The Space She Left Behind
“I was living off of Mountain Dew, cannabis, adrenaline, and anxiety about my mother’s health. My younger brother and I had discussed how we would handle things if it was time for her to go.”
dysfunctional family
After Hours
"There was constant chatter, the haze of cigarette smoke, and the smell of alcohol on everyone’s breath filled the air between their conversations."
mourning
Post-mother
“We had many conversations while I was a child, but they were one-sided. I was to sit down, shut up, and listen like a good girl. I was trained to be my mom’s best friend.”