dying
The End
"Anything that made her life inconvenient was not something she wanted to put up with. It just so happened that this time, the inconvenience was me."
body image
Starving
"What Ms. S. at the after school program said was true: I wasn’t going to stay skinny forever. Funny how things stick with a child for their whole lives, yet many adults spend a lot of time convincing themselves their kids can’t hear them or aren’t listening or won’t remember."
abuse
Crush Syndrome
"I will never have someone who made sure there was always food on the table, or who made sure I was comforted when I was scared. I'll never be a priority to her now. My mother is proof that you can lose something you never had."
grief
The Space She Left Behind
“I was living off of Mountain Dew, cannabis, adrenaline, and anxiety about my mother’s health. My younger brother and I had discussed how we would handle things if it was time for her to go.”
mourning
Post-mother
“We had many conversations while I was a child, but they were one-sided. I was to sit down, shut up, and listen like a good girl. I was trained to be my mom’s best friend.”