holidays
Holidays
“He was crying hysterically because he was obviously scared. I was scared, too. But I had to pretend otherwise, for him and for me. If I didn’t, I wouldn't survive.”
adult child of alcoholics
Alcohol
"I would cover her with a blanket and kiss her forehead, because I saw that on TV before. That’s how moms tuck in their kids. But my mom told me TV was fake anyway, and she was right."
neglect
Deprivation
"I grabbed the small Little Tykes kid’s stool and it made me just tall enough to hoist myself up onto the counter to access the cabinet that held the peanut butter. I would put the stool back and run into the living room with the tub of creamy Jif."
physical abuse
The Darkest Side of the Moon
"I closed my eyes and went somewhere else for a moment, because here my father was, about to literally chop off my hands for taking a dollar from my younger brother. As if they raised us to be decent people. As if they raised us at all."
adult child of alcoholics
The End of Summer and the Beginning of Football Season
"And always, there were at least a couple of people crashing on the couch, in our beds (we would sleep on the floor), or wherever. We would always drive certain people home. All throughout the night people would leave, or get up and party more. I never got good sleep on picnic nights."
dying
The End
"Anything that made her life inconvenient was not something she wanted to put up with. It just so happened that this time, the inconvenience was me."
adult child of alcoholics
What's a Good Parent?
"He was into carpentry in his spare time, and always had a project. I never knew why he didn’t go into it as a career. I used to help him by handing him nails and screws and different tools. I was like his scrub nurse, but our patients were plywood and our instruments were screwdrivers and drills."
physical abuse
Worthy
"I had a routine. I hid with my younger brother somewhere until things seemed calmer. When my parents fought, they seemed to forget we existed. So long as we were out of the way, we would usually be okay. "
emotional abuse
Narratives
"...“This is what you get for wanting a girl, Sand,” she said to herself, as if this were typical and effective behavior for simply being female. That was the year I began to resent, distrust, and grow apart from my mother."
body image
Starving
"What Ms. S. at the after school program said was true: I wasn’t going to stay skinny forever. Funny how things stick with a child for their whole lives, yet many adults spend a lot of time convincing themselves their kids can’t hear them or aren’t listening or won’t remember."
abuse
Crush Syndrome
"I will never have someone who made sure there was always food on the table, or who made sure I was comforted when I was scared. I'll never be a priority to her now. My mother is proof that you can lose something you never had."
neglect
Unimportant
"Everyone was desperate for attachment and connection; everyone distanced themselves from one another and stubbornly chose not to look past themselves. The house ended up becoming a jungle. Everyone had a territory and to invade that space meant conflict."